Baby Mine
by thraxbaby
Summary: Chell and Wheatley welcome a baby into the world. Same universe as Kiss the Girl, can be seen as a continuation. Bonus points if you get the references
1. Chapter 1

The morning started out as it did everyday - at least like the past month. Wheatley woke up to Chell making breakfast, usually eggs and bacon with coffee. Then they ate while Wheatley described his recent dreams - just not at the same time, he learned that the hard way - and sometimes they'd turn on the TV or radio and listen to the news. This morning, Chell hardly ate anything before running from the table. Unsure of what was happening, Wheatley followed Chell and found her throwing up - yet another disgusting human thing. Wheatley had it happen one day when he ate a whole bucket of ice cream by himself in a race against Rick to see who could finish one first. Anyway, this wasn't about him. This was about something much much much more important.

Chell was sick! Chell was sick and he had no idea what to do. Wheatley was scared. What if this sickness was fatal? He would be lost without Chell to guide him. He'd only been human for a year and still had problems and questions and would probably end up getting himself hurt if Chell wasn't there.

Chell hurled into the toilet one more time before flushing everything down and cleaning her face in the sink. In the mirror, she saw Wheatley standing nervously in the doorway, visibly shaking and looking like he was going to be sick himself. Her nausea was calming down and she could finally walk out of the bathroom. Wheatley followed, asking if she was okay and if she was dying. She went back to the kitchen and immediately threw away what was left of her breakfast. Maybe she left something undercooked and just got food poisoning? It was possible. But Wheatley ate much more of the same thing and he wasn't sick... She turned to Wheatley who looked stuck between wanting to hold her and stay far away.

"Are- are you okay, now, luv?" he asked. Chell nodded. "Whew! Good, because if you were sick, I'm pretty sure the whole world would have ended because I really really need you." Chell smiled.

Chell got up and walked down the street with a very confused Wheatley trailing behind her. She stopped in front of the yard of one of their neighbors, who was a doctor. She told Wheatley to stay outside while they talked. Wheatley plopped down on the porch and waited.

The doctor's daughter, a little girl of five, came outside carrying a basket of toys. Wheatley scooted over to get out of her way.

"That's a big basket, there. Sure you can carry all that?" Wheatley commented. The little girl nodded and set the basket down in the middle of the grass-covered lawn. She set up everything around a tiny, brightly-colored plastic picnic table. The little girl then had conversations with the dolls around the table, feeding them invisible treats and tea. She got up and pulled Wheatley over to the table. He obviously was too big for the table, so he sat cross-legged at the end. The little girl gave him a cup and pretended to pour tea. Wheatley played along, though he genuinely felt it a rip-off that the tea wasn't real.

...

"...And don't forget to get plenty of rest..." The doctor and Chell exited the house when they paused. Wheatley was wearing a flowered hat and drinking fake tea. They stared at each other for a while before Wheatley finally spoke.

"I'm Mrs. Nesbitt." Chell couldn't help but smile. She saved him from the tea party and they walked back up the street to their own home.

"Congratulations!" The doctor called after them.

"Why the congrats? Is it because you're not sick?" Wheatley asked, but Chell stayed silent. It wasn't until they got home that Chell finally said something. She sat Wheatley on the couch and looked him in the eye.

"I'm pregnant." Wheatley stared at her for a while. Chell was starting to feel nervous.

"Pregnant? Like a tiny human is inside you?" Wheatley asked. Chell nodded. Wheatley grinned. "You're pregnant! We're having a... tiny baby human! I - oh, man alive! I'm gonna be a dad!" Wheatley jumped up and squeezed Chell's shoulders, spinning her around. He was so happy. They both were.


	2. Chapter 2

**This was inspired by an "Imagine Your OTP" post on Tumblr. It's short but sweet.**

It was the middle of the night, so why was Chell hearing whispering? She roused herself from the drowsiness that threatened to send her back into her dreams to find out what was talking, but once her senses cleared, she found she didn't have to go far. She felt a hand on her pregnant belly. Wheatley was whispering to her stomach, rambling on and on about his life in Aperture.

"...So we were running and running - well, your mum was running. I was gliding along a rail... Uh, it's a long story - anyway, then we get to this room where they were manufacturing the turrets. We needed to get into the scanner room so we could sabotage Her turrets. I tell your mum to turn around so I could hack the door. She did, I hacked at the door and then, you would not believe this, and then the door opened! Leet skills right there! Master hacker, your ol' dad is. Your mum was VERY impressed. I could tell. She didn't actually say anything, but I knew she was impressed. Who wouldn't be by hacking skills that advanced?"

"Wheatley?" Chell said. Wheatley paused and looked up at her. He could just make out her sleepy face in the darkened room.

"Did I wake you, luv? Sorry. Just telling Junior here about our daring escape from Aperture. He's quite the listener. I think he gets that from you." The baby chose that moment to kick under Wheatley's hand, causing Wheatley's face to light up like the 4th of July. "See? He agrees with me! Or she. Still can't tell which it'll be yet. Until it's born. But we've talked about it and we're pretty sure he's a boy. I asked him to check and he told me he was most definately a boy. Not with words, of course. He'd be a downright prodigy if he could talk already. No, he communicated with his little kicks. Surprised you didn't feel them before. We had a very intelectual conversation. He-" Chell's soft breathing made Wheatley realize she'd fallen asleep during his explanation.

"Did you see that? She fell asleep on me! But I can't blame her." The baby moved under his hand. "No, don't wake her again. She needs her sleep." Another movement. "Yes, I'm sure. You need your sleep as well." The baby gave a kick. "Don't argue with me, young man. We've had a nice conversation. I can tell you the rest of the story tomorrow." He felt another soft movement under his hand. "Yes, it's best that we -*yawn*- that we go to sleep." The baby made one more movement in Chell's stomach. "Love you, too. Goodnight."


	3. Chapter 3

I released my war cry as I departed my warm, fluid-filled home to the harsh, cold outside. Someone cleaned me up and stuck something up my nose and I could suddenly smell this new world. I was draped in the finest of linens as my subjects worshiped my arrival. I opened my eyes and saw Mum as she held me close. Not Mum stood next to her, smiling like a goofball. Also Not Mum was cleaning up after the mess I left behind. Coming into this world is quite a messy endeavor.

"What will you name him?" Also Not Mum asked. I thought it over. How about Shadowbane the Dark Wizard, or perhaps Malchior the Terrible? Both are truely great names for a warrior such as I.

"We chose Micheal." Mum said.

Ah, yes. Mi- WHAT!? Micheal? That's - that's an accountant! What sort of warrior is named Micheal? A poor one, is what! Micheal is NOT a warrior's name! I demand a refund!

...

Micheal started to cry.

"Aw, don't cry tiny human. Everything's alright." Wheatley brushed the fuzz on top of baby Micheal's head.

"Maybe he's hungry. Go on and feed him. I've got another mother to deal with." The doctor said as she left the new family alone.

...

Do you hear me, Mum? You will regret naming me Micheal! I will make both your lives miserable until I am properly renamed! Mum nudged down her gown and brought out her big milk thing. Okay, Mum. For now I will accept this peace offering. But I will demand more until I gain my proper name. Mmmm... milk.

**A.N.: I hope you got the reference. I thought it was adorable.**


	4. Chapter 4

"No no no, don't get up, luv. I'll do it. No, really, go back to sleep and let ol' Wheatley take care of Junior. Go back to sleep nnnnnnnow. Right now." Chell let her eyes close once more and allowed Wheatley to take care of the crying baby. She really hoped she wouldn't regret this.

Wheatley entered baby Michael's room. They decorated it like a beach complete with treasure toy chest and a crib shaped like a little pirate ship. The crib had been a present from one of the neighbors. They lived in a very tight-knit community and everyone was helpful to everyone else. They absolutely adored Michael. Another family up the street would sometimes come over for play dates. Michael was growing big and strong like a healthy baby should. Wheatley could hardly believe he was already four months old. It seemed like only yesterday that he found out Chell was pregnant, now Michael was here, waking them up every night with his crying. Wheatley picked the fussy baby up and held him like Chell taught him to.

"What's wrong, hm? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Had a bad dream? Now, what was the routine your mum said? Ah! Check your nappy first. I - um... I'd rather not. I- I'm sorry about this, but seeing as you can't tell me what's wrong, I have to do this." He peeked into the back of Michael's diaper and gagged at the smell coming from it. "Oh gross! You- you've gotten it all over your bum and ... ARGH! Really, Michael? Alright, fine. Here you go." He set the baby down on the changing table. "Ok... alright... changing nappy... now." He opened the diaper and was disgusted at the mess. It smelled worse without the diaper on. Wheatley grabbed a wipey and started to wipe off the poo from the baby's bum. He just got a fresh diaper under him when Wheatley had to dodge a stream of liquid.

"Hey, now! That was uncalled for!" Wheatley blocked the pee with the diaper. "Now you've gone and soiled two nappies! Are- are you done now?" He lowered the diaper and had to dodge the stream again. "Nope. Not done." He waited another minute. "Your mum says in a few years you'll learn to talk. Personally, I don't know why you have to wait so long to talk. Obviously your vocal box thing is working just fine." Wheatley replaced the wet diaper with another dry one and sprinkled baby powder on so he didn't get a rash. "I mean, how hard is it to talk? Come on, say 'apple'." A small cloud of baby powder puffed out Michael's bum. Michael smiled. "Not with that end! No! The top end, I know you can say it. Apple! Aaaaaappllllle. No? That's okay. Your mum took a while before she talked to me. Maybe it'll take longer with you. Just know I love you anyway."

Michael was placed back in his crib, but only stared up at his father with his curious gray eyes. Somewhere along the lines he had stopped crying and now was aware of everything. Baby and father stared at each other for a bit before Michael started to get that fussy face again.

"No no no no no!" He picked up his son and sat in a rocking chair. "Don't cry. No more crying. How about a story? Yeah? Okay. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who had to take sweets to their granny's house... no, that's not how it goes. Um, There was once a personality core... yeah! who roamed along his management rail. Then, one day, he met a tiny human. He helped the tiny human escape, but they became trapped by the evil GLaDOS monster! The monster separated them and forced the tiny human to do dangerous tests! But the brave, handsome personality core found the human and rescued her! The human was so happy that she took the core home and they lived happily ever after. The End. How was that?" Michael yawned and looked like he'd fall asleep any moment.

"Would a song put you to sleep? I don't know many songs... but I do know this one. Ahem...

Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall

And down will come baby... no that's- that's quite terrifying for a baby, innit? Falling out of a tree... Why would anyone sing that to a child? That's ... that's madness! Hmmm... what other songs do I know? Oh! I know.

"Hush little human, don't say a word

Daddy's gonna buy you a mocking bird... argh! No! Why would anyone want a bird, much less one that mocks you? Is this a human thing? Scaring your children into sleeping? 'Cause that's a bit harsh, don't you think? I don't know about you, but if I'm scared - which I never am, by the way; very brave your ol' dad is - but if I was, I wouldn't want to sleep. I don't think I'll ever understand humans. Hopefully you'll have a better time with it..." Wheatley looked down at his son, who was sound asleep. He smiled. "I did it." he whispered to himself. "I put him to sleep all by myself." He stood up and delicately placed Michael back in his crib. Michael stirred a bit, but otherwise stayed sleeping.

Wheatley yawned and realized how tired he was. It was still pretty early in the morning, so he went back to his bed. Chell felt the movement on the bed and opened one eye. She saw Wheatley laying there, already snoring. She cuddled closer to him and fell back to sleep herself.


End file.
